What I Thought Motherhood Would Be

I thought motherhood would be dirty diapers and belly laughs. When the kids got a boo boo, a bandaid and a hug would fix it. I thought my kids would listen the first time.

I didn’t think I would end up making my own baby food – but I totally did.

I didn’t think I would have my first child in the NICU, my second in the cemetery, and my third teetering on entering one or both of those places. But that’s exactly what happened.

I wasn’t prepared for how hard the belly laughs would be – making my sides truly ache – when a child quips a witty comment or remark. Or does something so adorable, the only response is to laugh.

I wasn’t prepared for the tears I’d cry as a mother. Tears of frustration for how I reacted or responded. Tears for how overwhelmed with love I am. Tears for how overwhelmed I am in general. With housework, with my job, with homeschool.

I never thought I’d HOMESCHOOL! Goodness. I thought I’d be the mom bringing cupcakes to the classroom for birthdays and volunteering on the PTA. But now we make our own cupcakes just because, I’m the teacher and part-time principal, and our classroom is sometimes the sofa, the dining table, or the patio furniture, or sometimes the lawn.

I thought motherhood would be family pictures and dance parties. It’s been eight years since our last family portrait, but I dance with the kids often. Whether or not they want me to is another story.

I thought motherhood would be me having quiet time in the mornings, and relaxing in the evening when the kids go to bed. I didn’t know it would be me going outside in the heat of the day to hide behind the chicken coop for a little space and a brief escape from answering random questions.

I wasn’t expecting navigating the boundaries we’ve put in place for safety and growth of our kids. I wasn’t expecting gluten intolerances, hearing loss, or other health issues in my kids.

I thought motherhood would be a slow process, but the years have raced by so quickly, and it’s hard to believe I’ve been doing this for 13 years already.

What I pictured motherhood to be and what it ended up becoming for me were completely different.

Except for one point. There was one expectation that has remained true to form since the beginning.

I thought motherhood would be a life-changing, incredible blessing.

And I was right.

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